Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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