i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
