I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
