she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
