I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
