There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
