So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
