I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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