I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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