I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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