I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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