brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
