he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
