Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
