6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up under a house in Key West
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
