Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize