Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
