She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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