Redeem this text for a blowjob
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
