she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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