I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
