why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
