I accidentally burped into my bong.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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