I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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