Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
