please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize