those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
