I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You made out with two different species that night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
