should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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