Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
