Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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