People in love make me want to vomit
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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