shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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