Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
