He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
