I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
