i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
