it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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