i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
