i would punch a child for taco bell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
