I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
