If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
