Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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