i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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