There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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