drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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