I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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