You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
