my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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