$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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