NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
