No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
