this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
