Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
