Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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