does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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