I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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