I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
