I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
