miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
