so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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