what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
