I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
