420 ftw
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
