I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
