Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
